Retirement Female - Newspaper Spoof

A truly novel gift, this personalised spoof newspaper cover is presented in either a tube roll or a contemporary black frame. The colourful cover comes in A3 size. You can read how the story will go underneath. To order, simply complete the personalised details and click add to cart.

If bringing to a party or an event, you can also order additional non-framed prints.

SAMPLE (for Joan Bloggs who works in YourCo and from Tralee):

JOAN BLOGGS RETIRES!

Tralee Celebrates as Global Stock Markets Fall 15%

When Joan Bloggs first announced her forthcoming retirement from YourCo, stock markets on both sides of the world, as expected, slid by over 5 percent. Now that her final days have come, again the markets have reacted negatively.

‘As if the Irish economy is not challenged enough,’ commented An Taoiseach Simon Harris. ‘With Bloggs’s retirement, we may have to revisit the Troika in the near future seeking another bailout.’

Colleagues at YourCo have voiced their concern at Joan’s departure. ‘I’ve a pretty handy number at YourCo,’ said one employee in the strictest of confidence. ‘We might all have to actually do some work around here without Joan taking up most of the slack. I’m really worried.’

The celebrations will continue as planned, however, with many celebrities jetting into Tralee. ‘It’s going to be awesome,’ quipped Michelle Obama. ‘Joan wants to go out in style, and I’m here to make sure that happens.’ One definite guest to her retirement party will be billionaire Joe Biden. ‘Unknown to many, Joan’s been my behind-the-scenes advisor over the years,’ he said, ‘I’ve always seen myself as her Apprentice’.

What's next for Joan? YourCo has booked an all expenses paid holiday as a surprise gift.  ‘Joan’s off for a few weeks of sun, sand, sea and sangria!’ chuckled an unnamed member of management. ‘I can’t wait to see her face when she arrives in Bundoran, Donegal.’

Although finally calling it quits at YourCo, Bloggs hardly looks like a typical retiree. Many skin care experts have hounded Bloggs for the secret to her girlish good looks and sublime physique. Although she puts it down simply to her constant moisturising, and sleeping twelve hours a day, many are left to wonder if the skilful use of a surgeon's knife can't be fully ruled out.

Whatever is planned for this retirement of the year, we would also like to wish Joan Bloggs a Happy and Long Retirement.